Poison
by Rebecca Jayne
Summary: Based on the episode 'The Cruellest Month'. What if Zosia had drunk that vodka without realising what Owen had done to it? When the worst happens, who will be there for Zosia when she needs it most? Will she ever be able to reconcile with her father or will this tragedy set them even further apart?
1. Chapter 1

Zosia downed the vodka in one, not even glancing at Owen as she did so. She just wanted to push everything out of her mind; the embarrassment earlier on the ward, her father and even her mother.

"Good?" Asked Owen in a sly manner.

"Yes. Much better." Zosia replied setting the glass back on to the table. Just then, a text popped up on her phone. It was from her father.

_Going to your mother's grave. Meet me at the car in ten if you want to come. _Zosia thought for a moment. Perhaps it was time to try and make amends, to right the wrongs both for herself and her father.

"Look, I have to go, there's something I have to do at the hospital." She said, getting up to leave.

"Do you mind if I walk with you? I'm going to go and see Finn." Owen asked. Zosia simply nodded and headed for the door, with him closely behind.

As they reached the hospital car park, Zosia stopped suddenly and put her hand to her head.

"Are you alright?" Owen questioned in concern.

"I just...feel a bit dizzy that's all." She admitted.

"Why don't we go inside and sit down?" He suggested, grabbing Zosia by the arm and dragging her along.

"My father..." She mumbled, no longer able to control her own body.

Owen ignored her and continued to practically carry her, not into the hospital but round the back where it was quiet and deserted.


	2. Chapter 2

**You lovely lot are in for a treat! I am kind of gripped on writing this so you will probably be getting at least up to chapter five today. I know the first chapter was fairly short but that was kind of the prologue, if you like. The rest of it will be longer. I can't really say enjoy because that would not seem right but, I hope I am doing this justice.**

Zosia's eyes flickered open, she sat up. It was dark and cold and the rain was beginning to set in. Her head throbbed and her whole body felt heavy. _What has happened to me? _She wondered and then all of a sudden, it all came flooding back. Shakily, she managed to sit herself up against a tree. She was terrified. What could she do? _Head for home? _She could barely muster the strength to stand. _Call the police? _Then eventually everyone would find out. _Phone someone? _This seemed like the only option. Someone who would keep a secret, who would listen to her and help. Zosia scrambled around in her pocket for her phone in a fluster and took it out, swiping through her contacts.

Her father. _No. He would only blame her._

Arthur. _He would be on the night shift by now._

Dom. _Him too. _Besides, Zosia felt that she could not trust any man now.

Her finger paused over one contact. No matter how much she hated her, she knew she was the only one to be trusted. Besides, she would almost have finished by now. Zosia tapped the number and held the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" Colette answered.

Zosia began to panic and words were stuck in her throat and tears began to fall from her eyes.

"Zosia? Are you alright?" Came the voice on the other end in response to the stifled sobs.

"I...I...I need your help." Zosia choked. "I'm in the garden at the back of the hospital. Please." She begged, before hastily hanging up and curling herself into a ball.

No less than five minutes later, Zosia heard footsteps and tensed up. _Was he back? Was he back for her again? _

_"_Zosia!" She heard. If she just stayed still and kept quiet. "Zosia, there you are!" It was Colette. Zosia could not bear to look her in the eye. Not now she had seen her in this state. "What's happened? Who did this to you?" She asked in complete shock, after finding Zosia huddled in a terrified ball on the ground, her hair straggled around her shoulders and her make-up smeared down her face.

"I can't." Was all that Zosia could manage in reply.

"Oh love. It's okay, you're safe now, I won't let anyone hurt you." Colette promised as Zosia buried her head in the nurse's shoulder and sobbed.

Colette held Zosia for some time as she cried. She had never, ever seen her this way before and quite frankly, she hated it. Zosia was broken and was crying out for help. Colette knew that the girl needed her mama now, but she was not there. Colette would have to try and be that mother-figure to her as best she could, although she would never in a million years be able to replace Anya.

"Zosia, what happened to you?" She asked softly. Zosia shook her head and tried to speak, but no words came out. "Did somebody hurt you?" A nod. "What did they do?" She was not giving up.

"It was all my fault..." Zosia managed, "...I must have led him on...he must have put something in my drink...I couldn't scream or fight..." The tears furiously began to roll down her cheeks again as she looked at the dampened grass.

Colette knew very well what Zosia was trying to tell her but just wanted to be sure.  
"He raped you didn't he?" She asked. The young doctor hesitated. "Didn't he?" She insisted.

"I'm sorry." Was all she said.

"No, it was not your fault." Colette told her firmly. "You weren't to know that he had spiked your drink..."

"But I shouldn't have accepted it in the first place!" Zosia cried in despair. "His brother had taken drugs, he was trying to come on to me all day! It was my own stupid fault, I should have guessed!"

"No, Zosia, no. Why should you have to be weary of people and think what they _might_ do to you? You shouldn't. To you he seemed genuine, he gained your trust and then abused and took advantage of that trust. It is not your fault. The only person in the wrong is him. Who is this man anyway?"

"I can't say. He might come back."

"Was is a patient?"

"No!" Zosia told Colette again, getting worked up. "I've already told that I can't say!"

"You phoned me for help so that is what I am going to do." Colette told her. "Let's get you inside. We can go round the back, your father has already gone so we can go to the office, nobody will disturb us, I promise." She told her. Reluctantly, Zosia agreed to this and let Colette help her to her feet and into the hospital.


	3. Chapter 3

The walk through the hospital was torment for Zosia. A place so familiar, so homely suddenly seemed so different, so big and scary. She gripped on to Colette's arm for dear life. Up the stairs, down the corridor and eventually, they had reached the office in what felt like an age. Colette opened the door and flicked on the lights. She told Zosia to sit down and pulled up her chair next to her.

"Zosia…you need to get checked out and report this." She told her.

"If I get checked out, people will know me and then everyone will know and if I report it nobody will believe me because it was my own fault and I just can't bear it!" Zosia responded, once again breaking down in tears. "Please, Colette, don't make me." She begged.

Colette knew how hard this was for Zosia, so young and so alone as she was. After all, she had been a nurse for nearly thirty years and had seen many patients in similar situations. Okay, she couldn't begin to _know _how the young doctor was feeling but to a certain extent, she did. Zosia was stubborn and always had been, Colette did not want to push her to do this, she knew it wasn't the right way about it, but, it had to be done. Things were already difficult enough for her and this had just made it a whole lot worse, something Zosia really didn't need.  
"It's okay. I can't force you to do anything but you really need to get checked out. How about I get Tess Bateman up from the ED? She is qualified and we can keep it under wraps if you agree. It would be one less thing to think about and then if you did decide to report it later on the evidence would be there."

Zosia hesitated for a moment. She didn't want to do it. On the other hand, Colette was right. As much as she hated to admit it, Colette usually _was _right. She didn't know Tess but she knew she had been a nurse longer than Colette had been and she was a well-known name around the entirety of the hospital.  
"All I want to do is to wake up and realise this was all a dream. I want to forget that any of this ever happened."

"I know you do but it isn't that easy. This is one step closer to getting through it. If you just ignore it it won't go away. I wish it was that easy for your sake I really do but it's not." Colette put one hand comfortingly on Zosia's shoulder. "Will you do it?"

"I wish I didn't have to but…okay…I'll do it." Zosia agreed.

Colette nodded in approval.  
"You're doing the right thing, even though you might not think so."

"I don't know what to think anymore. I don't want to think about…about anything because I'm so scared about what will happen to me." She admitted through returning sobs, hiding her face in her hands.

"Zosia…can you tell me what happened?" Colette asked, trying desperately to help her as much as she possibly could.

"I can hardly remember…he drugged me so it's all a blur!" She told the woman in complete hopelessness.

"Then tell me what you can remember…please?"

"I don't want to talk about it! Can you not just leave it now?!" Colette figured that it was a good idea to leave it there. For now. Zosia would probably remember more once the final effects of the drug had worn off.

"Alright, I'm sorry." She told her. "Listen, I'll get on the phone to Tess now and see what we can do." With that, Colette moved to behind her desk, both to do as she said she would and to give Zosia some space.


	4. Chapter 4

**Just for reference, I don't think that Tess actually is specially qualified as I said she was, I am just saying that she is for the benefit of the story.**

An hour later, it was all over. Tess had arranged to examine Zosia and she had done, with the help of Rita, also from the ED. Zosia feared this and had asked Colette to stay, which she had done. After what seemed like hours, Zosia was showered, changed and ready to go home.

"Is anyone going to be at home when you get back?" Rita asked.

"No…Arthur and Dom are on the night shift. But it's okay, I'll be alright." Zosia replied, despite being unable to believe this herself.

"There really should be somebody there to keep an eye on you." Tess said in concern.

"I said I will be alright! I just want to be on my own!" Zosia snapped. "Sorry." She whispered hastily.

"It's alright." Tess answered reassuringly.

"Come and stay with me, for as long as you like." Colette offered. Zosia felt relieved at this offer, she already felt uncomfortable at the thought of sharing a flat with two men.

"Thank you." Zosia answered.

"You can stay as long as you like, okay?" To this, Zosia nodded.

"I can't go home. Not with Arthur and Dom there, I know they wouldn't hurt me but…"

"I know, I know." Colette said. "We can stop at the flat to pick up your things." This time, Zosia remained silent.

Quietly, Tess and Rita left the room and Tess motioned to Colette, who went outside to join them.

"Is she okay?" Colette asked worriedly.

"Physically, yes she is," Tess began, "but she is in such a fragile emotional state, she really needs looking after."

"I know." Colette agreed. "I must admit, Zosia is a tricky character, she lost her mother exactly a year ago and pushes anyone away who tries to get through to her. Including her father."

"Guy Self?" Rita asked in surprise. She could not believe that such a man could have such a complicated life.

Colette nodded.  
"I knew it was serious before I found her, she phoned me but she hates me because of what happened to Anya. The poor girl was in such an awful state though. I know her, she's not as tough as she likes people to think she is."

"Has she said who did this to her? Did she say what exactly happened?"

"No, she said it's all a blur because of the drug and that she wants to forget everything. I will keep working on her though, I know that talking about it will help." Colette stated before Tess could lecture her on the very same things.

"You probably know all this from experience, I know I do. I won't interfere because she trusts you but if you or she have any questions then you know how to contact me."

"Thank you Tess, and thank you for keeping it quiet."

"It's not a problem." Tess replied, before heading back down to the ED.

Colette went back into the room where Zosia was, she was in the exact same place she had been left and seemed to be staring into space. Colette hated to bring her back, she seemed peaceful, untroubled and clear-minded.  
"Zosia?" She said quietly, walking closer towards her.

Zosia suddenly snapped back to reality.  
"What?" She replied.

"Are you ready to go now?"

The young doctor glanced at the clock. _10:05._ This had already gone on for nearly four hours. Four of the worst, most traumatic hours of her life.  
"I guess so." She answered downheartedly, getting up and following Colette out of the hospital and to her car.


	5. Chapter 5

Zosia stared out of the window into the darkness all the way back to the flat. A million thoughts were flying round her head. _What if Arthur and Dom were there? How was she going to tell them that she was moving out for a while? _

"Don't worry about Arthur and Dominic," Colette said, as if she could read Zosia's mind, "leave it to me and I will give them an excuse." Zosia sighed and Colette pulled up outside the flat. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"Yes please." She answered.

Once inside the flat, Zosia paused, looked around and gritted her teeth. All these fond memories of her friends. Her home, where she felt safe. All snatched away from her. She headed for her bedroom to pack a bag. Clothes, wash bag and the most important thing; photos of her mama. She had no idea what her mama would be thinking of her now but she needed her to be as close as possible. She wished she was really here.

"Are you okay?" Colette asked sympathetically. She had just walked into the room to check on Zosia to find her staring at the photo of Anya.

"What would mama think of me now? She would hate me for this, wouldn't she?" Zosia asked, near to tears, looking deep into Colette's eyes for the first time since _it_ happened.

"Your mother would never hate you. If she were here now, she would be looking after you too. She will be looking down on you now willing you to be strong and deal with this. She would have nothing to hate your for because it was not your fault." Colette tried to convince her. Zosia clumsily put the photo in her bag, picked it up and walked back to the front door without saying a word.

Colette sighed. She knew none of this was Zosia's fault, she knew how much she was hurting and how vulnerable she was.

Sometime later, the two had returned to Colette's house and Zosia had settled into the spare bedroom. She had not surfaced for a while, so Colette went to check on her.

"Zosia?" She said, knocking lightly on the door. No response. She opened it quietly and saw that the young doctor was fast asleep. She was emotionally drained; the tragedy and shame of the day had taken every bit of strength from her. Softly, Colette tucked Zosia up more comfortably before flicking out the light and shutting the door behind her. After doing all this, she took a seat on her sofa and turned on the television. It was late but Colette rarely went to bed before one o'clock. The only decent thing that she could find to watch was some comedy quiz show, however, her mind was focused on other matters. How could she help Zosia get through this? Should she tell Guy? Should she stand back and let Zosia find her own way of dealing with what had happened? Colette could never do that. She cared too much for her, not just as a victim of a horrific crime but as a friend. They may not have seen eye to eye since Anya's death but Colette never stopped looking out for Zosia. She felt it her duty to Anya.

Meanwhile, Zosia woke up with a start after sleeping for less than an hour. She sat up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. She could hear the television on in the lounge, which she was glad of. It meant that Colette was still up, so she wouldn't be on her own. She stood up, feeling trapped in the darkness of the room. She managed to find her way to the door and into the lounge.

Colette heard the door creak open and looked around. She gave Zosia a sympathetic smile.

"Come and sit down." She told her, she didn't even need to ask.

Zosia obeyed.

"I saw his face again…I felt him…" She whispered, distraught.

"I promise you you're safe here. He won't find you." Zosia said nothing, she simply stared at the floor. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." She said coldly, panic creeping into the tone of her voice.

"Okay. Do you feel better?"

"I think the drug has worn off, my head doesn't hurt anymore." She observed.

"That's good isn't it?" Colette questioned, sensing the uncertainty in her voice.

"Is it?" Zosia asked back. "I can remember everything now. It is stuck in my mind, as clear as anything! It's like…like it's a recording that keeps playing over and over and I can't stop it!" Her voice cracked as she spoke these words.

Colette felt bad for asking. Of course. Why didn't she think first? She knew only too well that the only way Zosia could even begin to move forward was to talk about it but she knew that now was not the time. This was going to be difficult for both of them if she didn't cooperate and guilt was already beginning to creep in knowing that Guy did not yet know of the night's events and what had happened to his daughter that he loved so dearly, despite the fact that sometimes, he failed to show it. Zosia had once again zoned out and Colette picked up her phone. She brought up her contacts and began to type the number she was looking for.

**Thank you all for the lovely reviews and messages I have received, I really appreciate them and they keep me motivated. Apologies for this chapter taking such a long time, I haven't had many ideas for this one but I know exactly what I am doing for the next two at least so hopefully I will get them up at some point tonight.**


	6. Chapter 6

The following morning, Zosia awoke on the sofa. Colette had left her there, as she finally fell asleep and she daren't disturb her. Zosia crept quietly to her room, where she dressed herself and tried to put on a brave face. By the time she was up, Colette was also up and eating breakfast.  
"Zosia!" She exclaimed. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to work, if I don't people will get suspicious and find out, I can't hide away." She said.

"You are in no fit state to. You are still in shock and you need to come to terms with what has happened, not try to pretend anything ever did."

"I'm going to walk, I need to clear my head." She told her simply, before walking out, shutting the door behind her. Colette knew that it was no good going after her, she would never listen.

"Morning Zoshie!" Dom called mockingly, as he approached the station where Zosia was clumsily staring at the papers in front of her. To his surprise, she did not react. He knew very well that being called 'Zoshie' irritated her and it always got some kind of reaction but today, not even a sigh or rolling of the eyes. "Earth to Zosia!" He called, waving his hand ridiculously in front of her face.

"Can you not just give it a rest for once?!" She responded angrily, slamming her hand down hard onto the desk in front of her.

"Whoa! Calm down! Who's wound you up?" He never gave up. This time, he did get The Glare. Usually, Dom would keep pushing it but he had an instinct that this really was not a good day for wind-ups.

"Are you okay Zosia?" Arthur asked genuinely, coming up behind the F1, promptly making her jump and frustrating her even more.

"Yes I am fine; I just wish people would leave me alone and stop trying to wind me up!" She retorted bitterly, "Anyway, I thought you would be home."

"There's been a major incident so we have to work a double shift." He informed her.

"Zosia, a patient for you. Josh Weller, twenty five years old, involved in the bus crash. He doesn't have any physical injuries but ED sent him up for a psych assessment. I must warn you, he is very drunk." Zosia looked at the man from across the ward, she froze. "Do you think you can manage?" Sacha Levy finished.

"Why wouldn't I?" She snapped quickly in reply, leaving Arthur and Mr Levy rather taken aback. Sacha shook his head and handed over the file.

Zosia cautiously made her way over to the patient.  
"Josh Weller?" She asked, desperately attempting to mask the terror she felt.

"Yeah." The patient answered, slurring his words. "Can I just get out of this place?" He asked, a little too loudly.

"Just as soon as we have established what is wrong with you." She told him.

"Look love, nothing is wrong with me." He started, sitting up. Suddenly, he grabbed her wrist.

"Let go of me!" Zosia demanded in fright. Josh clumsily stood up, walking Zosia into the wall. She closed her eyes. "Let go of me." She tried again. All of a sudden, Sacha appeared from nowhere and yanked the patient off of Zosia. Before anyone could speak, the young doctor ran off into the staffroom as quickly as she could. She slammed the door shut and leant against it, as if to stop anyone else entering. Sacha followed her and knocked on the door.

"Zosia, let me in please." He asked. "It's okay, he just gave you a fright, I understand, it has happened to all of us." She opened the door and the surgeon entered.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I've just had enough of difficult patients these past couple of days." She told him flatly.

"That's alright. I'm putting him in a side room so he can't bother anyone else and I have assigned you to Charlotte Jones; eight years old, suspected broken leg. She won't cause you any trouble." He grinned, holding up another file. Reluctantly, Zosia took it and tried again.

"Are you Charlotte Jones?" She asked, approaching a young, fair-haired girl. The child's face instantly lit up and she nodded. "Right, I'm Dr March and I am going to make you better okay?" Another cheeky nod.

"Why are you sad?" Asked Charlotte openly.

"What?" Zosia stiffened.

"You look sad, you're not smiling." She observed.

"It's just a bad time, that's all, anyway, we need to put a cannula in your arm. It's like a big needle but it will only hurt a little bit for a few seconds." She explained. The girl accepted it. _At least she's cooperative._ Zosia tore the needle from its packet, her hands shaking wildly. She tried to steady her breathing and focus, but it didn't work. As she brought the needle near to the child's arm, she stopped and stared in a panic.

"Dr March." She heard a voice. Colette. She spun around.

"Yes?" She responded sharply.

"Can I have a word please?" Unwillingly, Zosia stepped to the other side of the curtain for another of Colette's lectures. "You should not be here." She told her. "You cannot do your job in this state, Sacha told me that you lost it when a drunken patient got violent and there is no way you can carry on with that cannula. That child is eight years old."

"I think I know how to do my job." Zosia told her harshly.

"I don't doubt that but last night I was this close to phoning your father and telling him what had happened, if you make a mistake, he will find out and the truth will come out you know that!"

To that, Zosia lost it.  
"And he will only ask questions if I suddenly take time off! He won't leave me alone and neither will you!" She shouted, hot, angry tears streaming down her pale cheeks.

"You were raped! He could never blame you for that!" Colette responded in an equal tone. The whole ward came to a sudden stop. Now they all knew. Zosia shot Colette a cold, angry and fierce glance before storming off.


	7. Chapter 7

The door to the locker room opened and Colette stepped in.

"Leave me alone!" Zosia ordered through desperate sobs.

"No." Colette answered firmly. "I am so, so sorry." She told her guiltily. "I never meant for that to happen."

"Of course you did! I trusted you and now look what you've done! As if you hadn't ruined my life enough already!" Zosia said spitefully, though not meaning what she said. Colette was not phased, she knew well enough that Zosia rarely ever meant what she said when she was angry or upset and simply took a seat on the bench next to her.

"I promised not to say anything to anyone else and I meant it. I'm not going to lie to you, you are _the_ most frustrating person ever; nobody can get through to you and you have a quick temper. You have every right to be angry and upset now but you went too far and so did I. All I want to do is help you. Please, Zosia, let me in."

Zosia broke into sobs once again. So much harder and so much more broken than she had done previously. She just let it all out. All the anger, the emotion, the hatred, the frustration and most of all, the pain. Colette took her in her arms and hugged her tight, rocking her ever so slightly.  
"It's all my fault. All of it. Ever since mum died. I've acted so spoilt, so selfish and cold and I always push people away. I wish I wasn't like this but I can't help it. I've never, ever felt so alone in my life." Zosia's confession brought tears to Colette's eyes, but she knew she had to be strong for the young doctor.

"I know. None of this is your fault, you need to understand that. You have had an awful year and now this; nobody deserves this to happen to them. Please, please stop blaming yourself." She pleaded.

"How can I? When I hate myself so much. I am such a terrible person. I brought all this on myself I know it, you don't have to lie to me."

Colette took Zosia by the shoulders and pushed her slightly away so she could look at her.  
"Now stop this. Stop it now." She commanded. "I cannot begin to imagine how you are feeling and I won't try to but do not blame yourself please." She paused for a moment. "The first step is to talk about it. However hard and however much you don't want to, you can't get through it without talking. Trust me, I'm the Director of Nursing."

Zosia looked at Colette for a few moments before getting up and walking towards the window. She then stopped and gazed out of it. Colette stayed exactly where she was.  
"It was a bad day." Zosia began. "I'd just been thrown off the ward, I had been thinking about mama all day and I just wanted a break. I went to the bar and he was there too. He bought me a drink and I was foolish enough to accept it. My father sent me a message, saying he was going to mama's grave so I went to meet him and the man wanted to see his brother. Suddenly I felt all dizzy, that was when I realised…he must have drugged me. The next thing I knew, we were at the back of the hospital, he was on top of me and it all went black." Colette got up but before she could say anything, Zosia continued. "I woke up and it was dark. My head hurt and my body ached. It took a few moments and then it came flooding back. I knew there was no way I could get home so I had to phone somebody. I wished so hard that I could call mama and she would look after me but I couldn't. My father would only blame me and you were the only other person I knew I could trust." She finished. Colette didn't know what to say. All she could do was hold Zosia whilst those broken sobs were shed.


	8. Chapter 8

**I realised yesterday that Louise Delamere played Lindsay and Emily's mum, Marion, in 'Waterloo Road'. Irrelevant I know but I watched an episode and thought she looked so different…obviously why I didn't pick up on it in the first place! Okay, so I read a spoiler earlier for the episode for the week after next that said 'Zosia's worst ever date arrives on the ward' – could it mean Owen do we reckon? If he is back to cause trouble then he's for it!  
Anyway, here is the latest chapter.**

"What am I going to do now?" Asked Zosia in despair some time later, sat with her head in her hands.

"I would start by reporting it to the police," Colette told her honestly, "and tell your dad. Let him in, let him help you."

"Do you think reporting it would do any good?" She asked. "What if they don't catch him?"

"It will put your mind at rest. You need to do this to stop him hurting someone else."

"I know." She whispered.

"I can come with you if you think it would help." Colette offered kindly.

"Yes please." Zosia accepted. "I can't do it on my own."

"Okay. We will go now." She told her. "But first, let me go and set them all straight out there." She said, getting up and leaving the room. As she came onto the ward, she saw people in groups; discussing something. _Zosia. _She assumed. Just then, Sacha walked past. "Mr Levy, please can you round up your staff, I need to prompt them about the incident that they overheard." She instructed.

"Of course." Sacha agreed. "Is Zosia alright?"

"Not really." She admitted. Sacha then gave Colette a grave look and went off to round up the team. When she was sure everyone was there, Colette began to speak.

"I know some of you overheard earlier what happened to Dr March." She began. "I can assure you that it is being dealt with and Zosia will be fine but I ask that these events do not leave the ward and are never spoken about again. For Dr March's sake." A few heads nodded in agreement. Colette had done all that she could to conceal Zosia's secret and now, she had to go and help her do the right thing.

"Are you ready to go now?" Colette asked, re-entering the room.

"I suppose so…I just want to get it over and done with." Zosia answered nervously.

"I know you do, it will be alright. We have the forensic evidence and I will be there with you."

"But what if they don't do anything? What if they say it was all my fault…that I brought it all on myself?"

"Then they will have me to answer to. They had better remember that I am an expert too. Nobody messes with me, you'll see." Colette reassured her, half seriously and half in an attempt to relax Zosia even just a little.

"So let me get this right," a middle-aged, stern police officer said a while later in the station's interview room, "you are telling me that you accepted a drink from a stranger and you weren't even suspicious despite the fact his brother was in the hospital you work at because of a drug overdose?"

"He wasn't a complete stranger!" Zosia shot back in frustration.

"You met him that day and he was a relative of one of your patients!"

"It was the anniversary of her mother's death, she'd had a bad day and she was already vulnerable. He took advantage of that and you are telling me that is not a crime?!" Colette exclaimed angrily.

"I am not saying that it wasn't a crime." The officer explained calmly. "I am saying that it could have been prevented."

"Well it sounds to me like you are blaming her for what happened. She is the victim here! I have known Zosia since she was a child, what this man has done has ruined her life and you're saying she was asking for it?"

"Just forget it!" Zosia cried, standing up. "I should never have come here in the first place, I knew it was a bad idea, I knew they would blame me!" She finished in anguish, leaving the room.

"I hope you're satisfied with yourself. We have evidence and she gave you a name and a statement so I demand that you investigate this and get that monster locked up." Colette told the officer with an icy tone.

**The message of this chapter? Do not mess with Colette. Ever.**


	9. Chapter 9

**First off, I just want to say a huge thank you to MirrorSparkles1234 for reviewing every chapter – it really means a lot! Thank you so much! :) **

"Zosia!" Colette called, running down the corridor after the young doctor. "Zosia wait!" Once she had caught up with her, she took hold of her arm. "It's alright. It's going to be investigated."

"No it won't. You heard him in there." Zosia said tearfully, having lost the tiny scrap of hope that she was holding on to.

"Yes, I heard him but you walked out too soon to hear me! Trust me, we're not giving up just yet. Come on, I'll take you back to mine." She told her, putting an arm around her shoulders.

"Don't you need to go back to the hospital?" She quizzed.

"They can manage without me. I'm not quite God." She told her with a grin.

"They will all be thinking the same won't they? I have a reputation for my temper and my apparently non-existent heart…they will say I got what I deserved."

Colette stopped and turned to face Zosia.  
"No they won't. Nobody deserves something as horrific as this to happen to them and they all know, as professionals, how serious this is. _He _made you the victim Zosia, you didn't do that to yourself."

Back at the hospital, Guy was in his office, disturbed and pondering over something he had heard in the canteen. His own daughter. _Surely not? _Fair enough her being angry with him but to lose her temper on the ward over a patient? With an annoyed sigh, he picked up his phone and dialled a number.

"It's my father!" Zosia panicked, after hearing her phone ring and fishing it out of her bag.

"Do you want me to take it?" Asked Colette.

"No. He can't find out." She said, her voice shaking.

"Then just leave it. For now."

"I don't want him to ever find out."

"He will find out Zosia. Whether that's in a week, a month or even a year. I did my best to make sure that the staff kept it to themselves but gossiping is second nature to some of those nurses." Zosia knew that, yet again, Colette was right. Guy Self's daughter a victim? Drugged and then violently assaulted? Of course it would reach him eventually.

Back at Colette's house, Zosia was reflecting on the events of the last twenty-four hours. It had changed everything. Just as she thought she was beginning to make a life for herself, it was all viciously snatched from her.  
"I can't do my job anymore." She thought aloud, without meaning to.

"What?" Colette asked in surprise, for she too had been deep in thought about Guy. She knew how hard he had tried to reconcile with his daughter and now, this was going to be even harder, if not impossible. "You can't give up your career. You have worked so hard to be where you are and you can't let him take it all away, you can't let him win."

"Do you think I want to? All I ever wanted was to be a doctor, to help people but you saw me today and that little girl was eight years old. She couldn't hurt me but I was still frightened. If you hadn't have walked in who knows what would have happened?"

"You went back to work much too early, you clearly weren't ready and once you've had some time off, time to come to terms with what happened to you and then you will feel better and be able to try again." She told her. "This isn't like you at all, this is not the stubborn, determined Zosia I know."

"He took that Zosia away and she's never coming back! Instead he left _me_ and I'm trapped and frightened in a world I don't know anymore." She said, in pieces. "It's not just doing my job that scares me it's the thought of having to face everyone now they all know."

"The old Zosia is in there somewhere, I know it. Don't think about anyone else, if people give you grief over it, send them my way and I'll sort them out." Just then, the doorbell rang. Colette got up and opened the door. It was Guy.

"Is Zosia here?" He asked.

"Yes. Go easy on her, please." She told him. Colette guessed that he must have heard about the incident on the ward but she didn't want to be the one to tell him the truth. She had just managed to get through to Zosia and she didn't want to break that trust now.


	10. Chapter 10

"What are you doing here?" Zosia asked defensively. "Why is he here?" She turned to Colette and asked again. Colette sat down but Guy remained standing. "How did you know I was here?"

"I went to your flat but Dr Digby and Dr Copeland said that you had gone with Colette earlier. Lucky guess." He said sarcastically. "I overheard something in the canteen today." He informed her.

She swallowed nervously.  
"It's rude to listen into other people's conversations." She told him with an icy tone.

"Some nurses were talking…about you." Zosia did not dare comment again. "They were talking about the fact that you kicked off on the ward earlier. Why?"

"So what if I did?" Zosia said, determined not to cry in front of her father.

At that point, Guy lost his patience with his daughter.  
"I have completely had enough of you!" He bellowed. "It is one thing being angry with me but when you take it out on your patients and your colleagues that just makes it a hundred times worse!"

"Guy, this is not the right way to go about things is it?" Colette raised her voice after noticing Zosia shrinking back into the sofa in fear.

"Well I have tried everything else but I can't get through to her!" He shouted in Colette's face. He turned back to his daughter. "I don't know what goes on inside that head of yours but…"

"Neither do I!" She responded in dejection, sitting herself up. Suddenly, Guy noticed something about his daughter. She seemed extremely pale and tired. She looked lost, troubled and even defenceless.

"Zoshie; has something happened?" He asked, lowering himself to her level.

"No." She replied meekly.

"I know you Zosia, something is."

"Just leave me alone. Please." She begged him, in barely a whisper.

"Zosia…the truth now." Colette prompted gently.

Zosia wrung her hands together as she tried desperately to come up with the right words. She could feel both Colette and Guy watching her intently, she could feel their gazes burning on her. There was no escaping this time. It had to be done. If she didn't tell him, she knew only too well that Colette would.  
"I was raped." She told him simply, no longer able to hold back the tears. Guy could not believe it. He didn't want to believe it. He didn't know what to say to her. All he could do was hold her, comfort her and try to be the father that she needed.

"It's okay." He told her. Zosia knew very well that it wasn't okay. It _really _wasn't okay. It never would be okay again. Not completely, however, she was too overwhelmed with emotion and fatigue to say so.

"I need you dad," She said through broken sobs, "I really need you."

"And I will be here." He promised her

A little time later, Guy and Colette were talking in the kitchen, out of earshot from Zosia.  
"Why didn't you say anything?" Guy asked Colette.

"She begged me not to. She called me last night and she trusted me. I was going to phone you but I decided not to because she needs a friend, I was the only one who knew and I didn't want to break our trust. I'd already accidently let it out on the whole of the ward; I didn't want to do it again. I did it for her."

Guy nodded.  
"I know that. Why didn't she want me to know?"

"She was terrified that you would hate her and blame her."

"I could never do that."

"I did tell her."

"You know she won't come home?" He told her.

"She's still ashamed, she really didn't want you to know. She can stay here as long as she likes. I'll look after her."

"Thank you. I'm going to go now, I have a ton of paperwork to do for tomorrow."

"Good luck with that!"

"Zosia, I'm going home now." He told her, heading for the door.

"Bye dad." She said, getting up and hugging him loosely.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" He checked.

"I'm sorry…I'm not ready." She told him regretfully.

"That's alright. You're always welcome, any time you want."


	11. Chapter 11

Colette returned from seeing Guy out to find Zosia gone. She decided that she should be left alone for a little while and started to cook dinner.

Half an hour later, there was a knock at the bedroom door and Colette entered.  
"I brought you some dinner." She announced, setting a plate of spaghetti bolognaise on the bedside table and sitting on the bed beside Zosia

"Thanks…but I'm not hungry." Zosia answered.

"You haven't eaten at all since you've been here." She told her.

"I just don't feel like it."

"You've got to eat or you will make yourself ill." She turned her attention to the notebook that Zosia was clutching onto. "What's that?"

Zosia flicked through her notebook.  
"Things that I can learn from. I started it when I started working at the hospital. Mr Hope always had a lot of wise things to say. Mama always had a way of making things seem much better and I never wrote the things she said down…I remembered some things but the rest have just faded. I was reading it to see if there was anything that could make this better." She trailed off. "But there isn't."

"Your mother always did know the right thing to say. She certainly had a lot to say to me when I was a student nurse."

"She had a lot to say to everyone." Colette smiled at this.

"The wisest thing she ever said to me was…'don't go out drinking and partying before a double shift'. I didn't listen to her the first time. I wish I had!"

Zosia almost smiled.  
"I miss her so, so much." She said, her voice shaking.

"Me too." Colette told her, putting a comforting hand on the young doctor's arm.

"I wrote down what you said." She confessed.

"What did I say?"

She opened her book and read from it.  
"A few things…'you can't get through it without talking', 'nobody messes with me' and 'the old Zosia is in there somewhere'."

Colette felt touched that Zosia had taken note; quite literally, of what she had said.  
"And there was me thinking that you hated me." She said.

"I've been awful to you…and to dad. I'm sorry. I just thought…I thought that you were trying to replace mama." She apologised.

"Nobody could ever replace your mother. I would never try to. She was a hard act to follow. I just wanted to be a friend to you and your dad, that's all."

"I know that now." There was a short pause.

"The police are going to investigate this. I made sure of it."

"How do you know?"

"What's that you've got written down that I said? 'Nobody messes with me'. Let's just say that police officer learnt that the hard way."

"What did you do to him?" Zosia asked, a trace of amusement in her voice.

"I told him that he had the forensic evidence, a full statement and a name, which is all he needed to kick off an investigation. You should have seen his face!"

"I'm sorry I walked out and left you to deal with it." She said guiltily.

"It's alright. You had every reason to, he had no respect, I would have done the same if it was me." There was another pause. "I have something to give you." She said, handing Zosia a small box.

"A red slipknot." Zosia said quietly as she opened the box, revealing a red necklace with a red cord on the end tied into a slipknot.

"Your mother gave it to me and told me that if ever you were in any kind of trouble, any kind of worry or pain that I was to give this to you. Apparently it's a Polish superstition."

Zosia nodded.  
"It's said to ward off evil spirits if anything bad happened." She told Colette.

"You see, she still wants to look out for you, she's still with you."


	12. Chapter 12

That night, Zosia had slept much better. She didn't manage to get to sleep until very late but she managed to sleep through until she was awoken by the sound of the phone ringing. After three rings, it stopped. Colette had answered it. Zosia waited for Colette to finish on the phone before getting up.

"Good news!" Colette said chirpily, as Zosia emerged from her room.

"What?" She asked.

"The police have arrested Owen." She announced.

Zosia couldn't believe it.  
"Really?"

"Yep! It turns out that they did have sufficient evidence after all."

She sat down to catch her breath. _They had caught him. He was locked up. No longer still out there. But for how long?_

"Are you okay?" Colette questioned.

"I didn't expect them to catch him."

"But they have done. Now you can breathe and start building your life back up."

"No I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I still have to face him in court. You see it on television all the time. The lawyers always tear the victim to pieces and then the criminal gets off scot-free."

"Hey. You can't think that way. There's evidence and I will speak as a character witness. I am sure Mr Levy would be willing to stand and talk about your outburst on the ward; how it was so out of character. The trial could be weeks, even months away, just try not to think about it now." She tried to reassure her. "Will you be alright if I go into work today?"

"I'll be fine." Zosia said.

"Are you sure?" She wanted to be certain.

"Yes."

"If you need anything, just ring me."

As Colette had suspected, the news of yesterday's goings-on had travelled around the wards like wildfire despite her pep talk with those who had witnessed it. People were speculating all kinds of different things. Her friends and those who didn't even know her. Despite all this, the wards were still busy and bustling as if nothing had ever happened.

"Morning." Colette said, walking into the office she shared with Guy Self.

He looked up.  
"Morning." He greeted in return. "How's Zosia?"

"Better. Especially now she's told you. Oh and the police have arrested the man who did it but she's worried about the trial already."

"That's one step closer at least. Is she on her own?" He questioned in concern.

"Yes." Colette replied. "Don't worry, she said she would be fine and I told her to call me if she needed anything." She added, noticing the worry in Guy's expression. "And I will phone her later to make sure she's alright."

"Fine. Can I come and see her after work?" He asked.

"She would like that, after all, she said herself she needs you. We…we talked about Anya last night."

"Oh yes?"

"Zosia said that she always knew the right thing to say – she told me how much she misses her. She needs you to be stronger than ever for her now, Guy." Colette stated.

"I know. And I will be."

On AAU, the news had also been picked up on.  
"What do you think about this incident with Dr March?" Asked Harry Tressler.

"What about it?" Frowned Mary Claire.

"Well…do you think it's all true?"

"Of course. Don't you?"

"You sound so sure." He pointed out.

"I am." She retorted.

"You don't even know her!"

"Neither do you! Contrary to your belief Harry, we women don't ask for everything we get. You need to watch what you say!"

"Women stick together." Harry said in a sly, mocking manner.

"People don't make this kind of thing up; it can and does happen to anyone and the victim is never to blame."

"I didn't mean that…" He began to explain.

"Shut up." Warned Mary Claire.

"No, listen, I only meant that…"

"What did you mean then?" Colette asked coldly from behind.


	13. Chapter 13

Harry awkwardly turned around to face the stern nurse.  
"I didn't mean anything." He said.

"Well clearly you did or else you wouldn't be trying to explain yourself to Mary Claire." Colette fired in an angry calmness.

"I…" He began.

"How dare you judge somebody based on gossip! You said yourself that you don't know Zosia so who are you to determine whether she's lying about what happened to her? Which, for the record, she isn't. I was there after it happened, I saw her distressed and in bits and I've been the one looking after her which I would never have had to do if nothing had happened!" Colette ticked him off sharply.

"Is there a problem here?" Asked Serena, returning from assessing a patient.

"Dr Tressler here has been making judgements about people he doesn't know." Colette told the consultant.

"Oh yes?" She became interested, turning to face Harry with a look of disappointment on her face.

"He is trying to suggest that Dr March is either lying about being assaulted or is suggesting that perhaps she was asking for it."

"That really was not a very clever thing to do now was it Dr Tressler?" Serena questioned dryly. "I suggest that you apologise to Nurse Sheward and never speak of this again." She prompted.

"Sorry." Harry said, defeated. Colette simply shook her head in disgust and turned to start organising some paperwork. Mary Claire edged up to her.

"Is Dr March alright?" She asked in genuine concern.

"She's a long way off being alright," Colette responded solemnly, "but she's really trying to get her life back."

"If there's anything I can do…"

"Thank you Mary Claire; and thank you for sticking up for her, I know you don't know her either."

"Well sometimes Harry can be very opinionated. He thinks of women as objects and then thinks he can get away with disrespecting us. He needed putting in his place."

"Too right. And I can think of two more men who also need putting in their place. Preferably far away from everyone else. Very far away." She added.

"I never want to get on the wrong side of you." Mary Claire said decidedly.

"Very wise, very wise indeed." Colette smiled, amused, before walking out of the ward to make a phone call.

Once outside, she seated herself on a bench and dialled Zosia's number.

"Hello?" Came the voice at the other end. The young doctor sounded fed up.

"It's only me. I just phoned to check on you; I promised your dad I would because I knew he was going to fuss." She told her humorously, in an attempt to lighten the mood for both of them.

"I'm alright." Zosia replied.

"You don't sound it." Colette observed.

"I am, I'm just…bored." She sighed.

"Well what are you doing?"

"Watching daytime television. There's nothing else _to _do."

"I know. It won't be for too long, just a few days…if you're sure that's long enough."

"Plenty. I want to face them all sooner rather than later. Get it over with." She said bravely.

"They won't blame you for yesterday." Colette tried to assure her.

"It's not just that…" Zosia said, her voice beginning to quiver, "I lied to them. I lied to them all by not telling them in the first place."

"You had every reason to. They will forgive you for it."

"Can you just tell Arthur and Dom…that I'm sorry I had to go. Please? And tell Mr Levy that I'm sorry for yesterday."

"I will do," Colette promised, "but you don't need to apologise. You did nothing wrong."

"It doesn't feel that way."

Colette hesitated for a moment. She had to change the subject.  
"Your dad is going to come over later. He wants to see you. Is that okay?"

"Yes. I miss him. I really miss him. I miss him and mama. I just wish things could go back to how they used to be."


	14. Chapter 14

**I know I am not posting as much as I have been but I will try my best to post at least one chapter every day, at the moment exam revision is getting intense!**

**Thank you very much to my 'guest' reviewers. I always reply to those who I can but obviously as guests I cannot reply to you so I just wanted to say I am really grateful, your comments are recognised and appreciated. :)**

Colette had spoken to Zosia on the phone for about fifteen minutes, as the young doctor was frightened alone and would not let her go, although she would not admit it but Colette knew her well. She carried out her promise to pass on Zosia's messages to Arthur, Dominic and Sacha, who all understood, as good friends would.

After their shift had finished, Colette and Guy went back to Colette's house together, only to find Zosia curled up on the sofa asleep, clutching the red slipknot necklace.  
"She's exhausted." Colette commented. "She hasn't been sleeping well."

"Hardly surprising is it?" Guy replied, looking over his daughter in concern. "She looks so much like a child again. It reminds me of when she was ten years old and she caught the flu. She slept so much, she looked so vulnerable. Just like she is now."

"I know. Come into the kitchen, don't wake her."

"I'm staying with her. In case she wakes up badly; anyway, I don't want her waking up alone." He said.

"Okay. I'll put the kettle on." Colette said, heading into the kitchen. Guy continued to watch over Zosia. Not just watching but protecting. If only he had been there to protect her when she really needed it. He stroked her hair gently. _He grabbed her hair and dragged her, she was weak and had no way of escape._ He noticed Zosia suddenly tense up. "It's okay Zoshie, it's just me." He soothed. _"You're all mine now." He snarled. "I'll teach you a lesson you won't forget." _ She awoke with a start, tears rolling down her cheeks, she sat up. Guy reached out to her.

"Don't touch me." Zosia said, startled. After taking a few breaths, she spoke again. "Every time I fall asleep I feel it happen all over again." She explained, hunching herself up. At that point, Colette had returned with three mugs of steaming tea, for she knew that this was about the only thing that Zosia would consume at the moment. "I can't control it. I can't stop it."

"Zosia…do you think that counselling might help?" Colette suggested.

Zosia shook her head.  
"I don't want to see a counsellor. I can't talk about it to a complete stranger."

"Sometimes it can be easier than talking to someone you know." Guy said, in an attempt to convince her.

"I said no!" Zosia snapped. "I already have talked about it. To Colette."

"I know you have. Just do what you think will help you." He told her.

"It was hard enough doing that and to the police and now I am going to have to talk about it in court as well. I couldn't talk to a counsellor too." Guy noticed her winding the red slipknot necklace around her fingers.

"Your mother swore by that necklace." He said. "She was given it by a friend when your grandmother died. She said it made the pain easier but she said not to give it to you when she died, she said that there are far worse things that could happen and to save it in case you ever really needed it."

"She was right." Zosia replied sorrowfully. "For once I wish she wasn't."

"So do I." Guy admitted.

"I need mama right now." She whispered, on the brink of tears.

"I know you do but I don't think that even she would know how to make this better."

"Her being here would make it better." Guy knew very well that it wouldn't but he hadn't the heart to say so. After a few seconds, Zosia shuffled close towards him and lay her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes for a few seconds. He put his arm protectively around her and held her tight.

"Kocham cię papa." She said quietly, a single tear slipping down her cheek.

"I love you too Zoshie. So very much."


	15. Chapter 15

"Dad?" Zosia asked.

"Yes?" Guy replied.

"Tomorrow; the night before I go back to work. Can I come home?"

"Of course you can!" He told her. "It's your home too. You can come home whenever you want. I've told you that before."

"I know. Thank you." She turned to Colette. "I'm really sorry, you've been so good to me."

"Don't worry about it. I'm glad you've finally decided to go home. I mean, not that…oh forget it!" Colette gave up, making Guy laugh and Zosia crack a small smile. "It's good to see you smiling again." She added.

"We'll get there Zoshie, you, me and Colette, we will get you through this." Guy promised.

"Now I'm starting to think that you're both right, I can get through this and I will get through it." She said, determination beginning to break through.

"I told you the old Zosia was in there somewhere." Colette smiled.

"You are right so often that it starts to become annoying!" Zosia joked.

"Ah. That's something you have to remember about Colette. She is nearly always right!" Guy said.

"Drop the 'nearly' Mr Self!" Ordered Colette. The three of them talked and joked around for hours. Alright, it was mainly Colette and Guy but Zosia joined in on occasions, able to forget, even just for moments at a time the heartbreak of the past few days, which was very much a start to her recovery. Time passed quite quickly and eventually, Guy had to go home to do yet more paperwork.

"I will see you tomorrow, alright?" He said, as he said his goodnights.

"Yes. And I will be ready to come home." Zosia told him, before properly hugging him tight. She wanted to hold on to him forever. She felt safe in his hold, like nothing could ever harm her. There was no denying it; Zosia had become slightly clingy over the last couple of days but nobody could blame her; she needed everyone who offered her comfort.

"I have a day off tomorrow." Colette announced, locking the door behind Guy. "Perhaps we could go out; you've not been out much since we went to the police station."

"I couldn't." Zosia replied. "I'm too…"

"Ashamed?" She finished for her. Zosia gave a feeble nod.

"But why? You have nothing to be ashamed of. He's locked up remember? He won't find you."

"I'll just feel like…like everyone's looking at me, like they know what has happened. Like they are judging me."

"They won't though. Anyway, we could go somewhere quiet, perhaps to the river. That could bring back memories. Me taking a seven-year-old you to feed the ducks on holiday in Poland. That was interesting!" Colette laughed at the memories. Zosia smiled again.

"I seem to remember that was mama's idea." Zosia recalled.

"It was! Your mother had some fantastic ideas but that certainly was not one of them! Especially just after you had drunk a can of lemonade. We all knew that sent you hyper."

"That poor, poor duck."

"Forget poor duck; poor me!" Colette exclaimed with a grin. "So are you up for it?"

"I suppose so." She said anxiously.

"Good. You'll feel better for the fresh air, trust me! You should know that I am _always_ right by now."

"I know, I know!"

"Would you like a cupcake?" Colette asked. "I made them last night."

"Yes please." Zosia said, following Colette into the kitchen and getting two plates from the cupboard. "It's the first thing I've eaten in days."

"I know. We can't have you wasting away now can we? Whatever would your father think of me?" Zosia smiled yet again, strangely looking forward to the following day's outing, although there was still some lingering fear. She knew though, that if anyone would look after her, it would be Colette.

**I was thinking of doing a one-shot about this duck-feeding adventure; or rather, nightmare, thoughts please? :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**I have decided, thanks to MirrorSparkles1234, that I will do the one-shot about Colette and seven year old Zosia in Poland. I go back to school on Wednesday so I will try really hard to get it up before then (hopefully tomorrow) but I do have homework and revision to do as well so you might have to wait a bit, though I will do my best! The same applies to these chapters; I am very much aware that they are quite short but I want to keep up updating daily and with other things I often don't have much time! Thank you to all my readers for being so patient! :)**

Colette emerged from her room the next morning to find Zosia already up.  
"I made you a cup of tea." She announced.

"Thank you." Colette replied, joining Zosia at the table. "Something on your mind?" She asked, noticing the young doctor seemed a bit withdrawn.

"It's silly." She said, shaking her head.

"I'm a nurse, I have heard some ridiculous things, try me."

"I woke up in the night…not because of a bad dream but because of mama." She told her. Colette frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"Well…I woke up and I could feel her. It was like she was right there, next to me. And the necklace…I left it under my pillow but it was in my hand. It sounds stupid saying it out loud."

"That's how I felt when my grandfather died." Colette told her. "I could feel him with me all the time. It's normal."

"But the necklace. I couldn't just have grabbed it from under my pillow in my sleep." There was a silence as Colette paused. To be truthful, she didn't understand how this could have happened.

"Perhaps you just forgot to put it under your pillow and fell asleep holding onto it. You have been really tired lately." She pointed out.

"No I _know _I put it under my pillow." Zosia was insistent. "It must have been mama." Colette gave her a sympathetic look. She didn't believe in ghost or spirits or anything like that but if these thoughts made Zosia feel a little bit better then she thought it was best to let her believe it.

Later on, both Colette and Zosia were ready to go out. As they stepped outside, Zosia hesitated.

"It's okay." Colette reassured her. "There's nothing to be afraid of."

"I know." Zosia answered, tightening her clutch on the necklace. They walked for ten minutes up to the river, where they were the only ones there. The place was so peaceful. The only sounds to be heard were the wind rustling through the trees and the occasional duck quack.

"How are you feeling about tomorrow?" Asked Colette.

"Nervous."

"You'll be fine. If you're not ready you can take more time off. People will understand."

"I'm going to go in ready. Try and show them that I'm over what happened and that I haven't lost my nerve completely." She said determinedly.

"That's good. It shows that Owen hasn't won."

"Don't." Said Zosia in panic. "Don't say his name please."

"I'm sorry. It's just, you're doing so well, you need to be honest about whether you are ready to go back to work or not."

"I am. I want to be able to move on and take my mind off it completely. If I mope around anymore I think I might go mad." The two of them were out for almost three hours, just talking and enjoying the peace of the riverside. It was a relief to Zosia, as for the first time in a while, she had been able to go out and feel safe. She didn't feel self-conscious or wary of anybody. She could start to enjoy life again. Things were really beginning to pick up, which also came as a relief to Colette, a relief that she had been able to help Zosia pick up the pieces and start to put her life back together. A relief that her old self was beginning to reveal itself again. A relief that Zosia had finally opened up and let her and Guy in.


	17. Chapter 17

**Unfortunately the one-shot will most likely not be up until Friday at the earliest. Basically I am getting really stressed over my history exam in particular and I really want to cram in as much revision as I possibly can. Thanks to my tablet, I will still post at least one chapter of this story each day though. :)**

That evening, Guy came over again but this time, to pick Zosia up and take her home with him. She was ready to go hours beforehand. She was still a little dubious about it but at the same time, it would be a relief to be back with her family, as much as Colette had been like a mother to her, well, perhaps not a mother but a very close auntie and Zosia was sure that Colette would probably continue to be that figure to her. Colette did indeed have every intention of doing so.

"Thank you for everything Colette." Zosia said, hugging Colette and taking her by surprise.

"I know you've got your dad now but anytime you need me, I'm here, alright?" She told her.

"Thank you." She said again.

"Come on then Zoshie, let's get you home." Guy said, picking up his daughter's bag.

"I can take that."

"Tough. I've got it now." He replied, ushering her out the door. He nodded Colette goodbye as he followed her. It took them around half an hour to get back to Guy's. The journey did not feel that long to Zosia, as she spent that majority of the time thinking and staring out of the window. For the final ten minutes, Guy tried to make conversation. "Have you decided for definite that psychiatry is what you want to do?" He asked.

"I thought so but I'm hardly in a position to do it now am I?" She sighed.

"You could. You don't have to decide yet anyway, you have another year yet."

"I thought you were so against it anyway?"

"I was. Until I realised that I was doing the wrong thing trying to force you into surgery." He confessed.

"It just doesn't interest me like it does you but psychiatry does." She told him downheartedly.

"Whatever you choose, I will be happy for you. Perhaps that's what caused the problems between us; me trying to be a pushy father."

"It wasn't just that. Can we just…" Zosia started, "just put the past behind us now and move on?"

"Of course." He said simply, relieved. The car pulled up in the drive and Zosia looked up at the house that was so familiar to her. There was a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach at walking inside the house she grew up in. She had not been there for so long and now she was so emotionally unstable that she did not know whether it would be a relief to be back or whether it would cause her more pain. She got out of the car and followed her father up to the front door. He turned the key in the lock and went inside. Zosia stepped in and glanced around. All she noticed were the photos of her mother on every shelf. Family photos with all three of them in, some with just Anya and Zosia, some with Guy and Anya, some of Anya on her own and even some of Anya and Colette at parties. She smiled.

"I miss those times." She said quietly.

"Hm?" Guy answered, following his daughter's gaze. "Ah. Yes."

"She was always smiling, always positive, never let anyone give up."

"Least of all you." He reminded her. She gave a small smile. "She wouldn't want you to give up now."

"I won't. I'm going to get through this for her. I won't let her down." She vowed.

"You could never let her down. Your mother loved you very much. She still does." That evening, Zosia and Guy talked a little bit and watched television like nothing had ever changed. They were still a family. They were still a family and nothing was ever going to split them up again. They were a family of two instead of three which to both of them didn't feel quite right but it was the way it was now and they had to make the best of it and be stronger than ever.


	18. Chapter 18

**As I have said before, exams are fast-approaching and I am trying to get a chapter up every day but it is a bit tricky so I will post as and when I can. Thank you for being so patient! :)**

Zosia walked into the hospital the following morning a few centimetres behind Guy. She had not said a word for at least ten minutes now, the nerves were really beginning to kick in. They got in the lift. It jerked and jolted, Zosia secretly hoped that it might break down. It stopped on Keller's floor and Zosia stepped out.  
"See you later." She said faintly.

"It will be okay." Guy told her. She walked off to the locker room, changed into her scrubs and went out onto the ward, trying desperately to go unnoticed.

"Zosia." Sacha said, approaching her. "How are you?"

"I'm alright thank you. I just want to get back to normal."

"I know. I understand that but if there's anything you don't feel you are ready to handle…"

"I'll be fine!" She told him in frustration. "Sorry. I just hate people fussing."

"Sorry." He apologised. "Are you ready for a patient?"

"Of course."

Sacha handed her a file. "Mary Keats, sixty three years old, wheezing, breathlessness and joint and muscle pain. Seems quite perky, she's a sweet old lady." He smiled.

"Thanks." Zosia said unenthusiastically, taking the file. She walked over to the bed where her patient was. "Mrs Keats?" She asked.

"Yes dear." Replied the old lady, with a warm smile. Zosia instantly relaxed a little.

"My name is Dr March. I gather you are experiencing wheezing, breathlessness and joint and muscle pain."

"I am dear, it doesn't bother me much but the neighbours insisted on calling an ambulance though and now look what trouble I've caused!" She exclaimed.

"You aren't causing trouble." Zosia told her. "There is obviously something wrong with you and we need to work out exactly what."

"You doctors and nurses, you are good."

"It's our job, Mrs Keats. Now, can you tell me when you started with these symptoms?"

"I woke up on Friday morning and I ached. I thought it was just old age. I took the bus to the shops and I had to have a sit down before I got to the butchers. I then felt fine and went on my way. It keeps coming and going."

"How often?"

"Every few hours at least." Mrs Keats recalled.

"Why didn't you go to your GP?" Zosia asked.

"I don't like to trouble anyone. There are people sicker than me who need your attention."

Zosia sighed.  
"I am going to arrange for you to have a chest x-ray and an echo and I will also take some blood just to be on the safe side." She explained.

"Right you are dear." She agreed.

"Is there anyone you would like us to call for you?"

"No. My daughter is travelling for six months. She's in New York at the moment."

"It's a lovely city. Isn't there anyone else?"

"No. Just me and Kassia. Has been for seven years now." She told her.

"What a lovely name." Zosia said, somehow, the name sounded familiar.

"Polish. My husband was from Poland, we lived out there for five years."

"Of course! My mother was Polish." She said, a little downheartedly.

"She gave you that necklace I'm guessing?" Asked Mrs Keats, referring to the red slipknot around Zosia's neck.

"Yes." She replied, beginning to clam up.

"To ward off evil spirits during difficult times. Am I right?"

"You are Mrs Keats. I need to go and arrange these tests now, I will be back later." She told her, before hurrying off to do as she said she would.


	19. Chapter 19

"Anything you want me to do?" A voice came behind Zosia, making her jump. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you jump."

"Oh, Colette." Zosia said in relief. "What are you doing here?"

"There's a bug going round. You're really short of nurses on Keller so I've been shipped over to muck in although it seems pretty quiet so I haven't got anything to do." Colette told the doctor.

"Could you take some blood samples from Mrs Keats please? Over in bed five." Zosia asked.

"Of course." Colette replied, before picking up the file and walking off.

Zosia was getting frustrated. She was trying to think of what could be wrong with Mrs Keats but every time somebody came to the desk, she was whipped out of her train of thought. She was usually so good at making a diagnosis before getting test results but now she just couldn't.

"Right Mrs Keats, I'm Nurse Sheward and I just want to take some blood from you, alright?" Colette asked with a smile.

"Of course it is dear." Mrs Keats smiled in return. Colette did the procedure as quickly as she could. "You know that doctor?" She asked after a while.

"You mean Dr March? Who came to see you earlier?"

"Yes."

"What about her?"

"It might not be my place to say but she seems…well she seems troubled. You know what I mean?" Mrs Keats observed.

"I know. She has a lot on her mind at the moment. A lot going on. It's not her fault." Colette defended.

"I didn't mean that. She has a red slipknot necklace, to ward off bad spirits. Is it really that bad?" She questioned anxiously.

"I'm afraid so but I can't really discuss it, it's very personal."

"Poor love. She's really trying isn't she?"

"She's doing fine. Just don't talk to her about it. It's the last thing she needs." Colette warned. "Right, you're all done. We'll get those sent off to the lab and if we fast track them we should have the results sometime this evening."

"Thank you dear." Mrs Keats said. Colette nodded and took the blood sample to be sent off.

"Mrs Keats is worried about you." Colette told Zosia a while later.

"Why? Did I do something wrong?" Zosia panicked.

"No! Of course you didn't. She just noticed that you seemed troubled and she noticed your necklace." Colette reassured. Zosia slumped back in her chair and sighed.

"I just wish I could be myself again." She said shakily. "You didn't tell her did you?"

"Of course not. I just told her you had a lot on your mind and told her not to bother you about it. Whether she will actually listen or not I don't know. She means well."

"I know she does."

"Do you want me to take her for her scans?" Asked Colette.

"No I can do it. I can't just abandon my patient." Zosia said.

"Alright. But if you change your mind…"

"Thank you." She cut of before Colette could finish. She got up and found a wheelchair to take Mrs Keats up to x-ray.

"I'm going to take you up to x-ray now Mrs Keats. Hopefully they won't be too busy today." She said, trying to smile, helping Mrs Keats out of the bed and into the wheelchair.

Once they got to the waiting area two floors up, Mrs Keats decided to break the silence. She had noticed Zosia had not spoken for a good ten minutes and had seemed to have gone off into some kind of trance, her eyes were glazed with tears.  
"Are you alright love?" She asked sympathetically.

Zosia shook her head as if to break herself from the trance.  
"I'm fine." She said. "Thank you." She hastily added.

"You don't seem it and that nurse said that you had a lot on your mind. I know people don't give those necklaces for no reason." It seemed she knew too much. She clearly knew about Polish traditions and superstitions so there was no point Zosia trying to lie her way out of talking to Mrs Keats. After all, she did genuinely seem to care.


	20. Chapter 20

Zosia stared at the floor, wondering what to say and where to begin.  
"Mama died about a year ago." She began. "She gave this necklace to Colette with strict instructions to only give it to me if ever I really needed it, not just after she died."

Mrs Keats did not seem at all surprised.  
"Something has happened hasn't it?" She asked. "Something that means you really need that necklace." Zosia nodded her head shamefully.

"Yes." She said, in a barely audible whisper.

"You've been hurt, scarred for life, ripped apart." The old lady observed, saying rather than asking. Zosia said nothing. "Ra-"

"Don't! Don't say that word!" She almost shouted, breaking into sobs and burying her head in her hands. The old lady was not phased at being shouted at like that. Instead she put a gentle hand on the young doctor's back. Just as Zosia thought she was beginning to accept what had happened to her, she was made to realise that she really wasn't over it.

"I'm sorry dear. I am so, so sorry." She told her in a comforting manner.

A few minutes later, Zosia had managed to get herself back together, embarrassed that she had behaved in such away in front of a patient. It was bad enough breaking down in front of her father or even Colette but not a patient. What would they think of her now? Even worse, what if she told somebody and they didn't think her fit to be working?  
"I'm sorry." She apologised, sitting up and wiping an escaping tear from her cheek.

"You don't have to be sorry dear." Mrs Keats reassured her.

"How did you know?" She asked.

"It happened to Kassia." She told the doctor. Zosia was speechless for a moment.

"I'm sorry." She said in dismay. She had treated Mrs Keats badly by shouting at her when all along, she had been through this pain with her daughter; not in the same way Zosia or Kassia had but she had an idea. "I feel like such an idiot now."

"You weren't to know."

"Does it…does it get better?" Zosia asked, hoping for a positive answer. "The pain I mean." She added.

"Yes. It took Kassia time but it got better in the end. She used to be such a happy girl. So bubbly and outgoing and then one night she went to a friend's party and she came home and would barely talk to anyone. She stopped eating, lost touch with all her friends and just shut the world out. Her father and I knew something was wrong but she wouldn't tell. A few days later she completely broke down and told us everything." The old lady told Zosia in sadness. "But things got better. She reported it to the police, stood up in court and told them everything and the man got locked up. She got her life back together, found herself a job, saved and saved and now she's travelling with three of her friends. She was attacked two years ago. She is amazing."

"She really is. I wish I could be as strong as her." Zosia admitted. "I feel like I've lost everything, like there's no hope left in me. The police weren't sympathetic either, more or less told me that I'd brought it on myself and got what I deserved. They have caught him though." Mrs Keats seemed shocked.

"If the police had said that to my daughter I would have given them what for!" She exclaimed.

"I think Colette did. I walked out too soon to hear."

"Good for her! Listen dear, don't worry. You have your friends around you and nobody is going to give up on you. It will get better. However bad it feels now, I promise you one hundred percent that it is going to get better."


	21. Chapter 21

**This chapter is slightly shorter but I am going to post another chapter today (which will feature some of our favourite 'Casualty' characters!), seeing as I have rather deprived you this past week! For those who don't know, I wrote a one-shot relating to a past chapter (I can't remember which) but it is called 'Trouble!' if anyone wanted to read it. :)**

Sometime later, Zosia was taking her break. The door opened and Colette came in, taking a seat at the table opposite the young doctor.  
"Mrs Keats told me what happened." She announced gently.

"I'm sorry. It was unprofessional, I shouldn't have behaved like that in front of a patient. Again." Zosia said glumly.

"She wasn't complaining. She's just worried. Did she tell you it happened to her daughter?"

"Yes. Two years ago and she's managed to get over it. It doesn't feel like that could ever happen."

"Well it can. You can't get over this sort of thing but you learn to live with it, accept it." Colette tried to reassure her.

"What?" Zosia said, noticing Colette seeming a little uncomfortable.

"I got a phone call…the court date has come through." The look on Zosia's face was of sheer terror.

"When?" She asked feebly.

"20th of May."

"That's only two weeks!" She said, beginning to panic.

"I know, you are strong though, you can do this, I know you can."

"I can't!" She cried hopelessly.

"Yes you can, it will be alright, you'll see."

"That's alright for you to say!" Zosia shot at Colette. "You're not the one who's going to be standing there having your reputation ripped to pieces in front of people!"

"Zosia…" Before Colette could finish. Zosia had got up and walked out. Colette sighed. She knew it was terrifying and she understood what Zosia meant. She stood up and went out to find her.

"Have you seen Zosia?" Colette asked Arthur.

"She went that way." He replied, pointing to the door. "I was going to go after her but she told me to leave her alone. What's happened?"

"The court date has come through. Two weeks away."

"Ah." Was all he could say.

"Guy?" Colette spoke, ringing his number. "Is Zosia with you?" She asked. "There's been a bit of an incident, it was my fault, don't worry I will find her."

Once outside, Zosia didn't know what to do. She just wanted to be alone, to have some time to herself. She had not had much time for that these past few days, people were only trying to help and look out for her, she knew that, but even so. However, Zosia didn't want to stray too far from the hospital, it was her first day back and she really wanted to prove that she could cope and running off would not help at all. She had half an hour. Half an hour to be by herself. She knew exactly where to go.


	22. Chapter 22

"If we get one more hoax call today, I am walking out, I am telling you now I will walk out!"

"Oh give it a rest Jeffrey!" Dixie told him. "It's all part of the job."

"The part I hate. And now it's raining!" Jeff ranted in reply. This was their fifth hoax call of the day and both Jeff and Dixie were fed up with it. The day had been bitterly cold, despite it being May and now the rain was beginning to fall.

"It's just a bit of water!" She said. Jeff huffed in frustration.

"Mama I really need you now." Zosia spoke in desperation, knelt in front of Anya's grave and clutching the necklace. "I don't know what to do anymore. The court date has come through, it's in two weeks and I'm not ready. I can't do this without you. You always knew how to make me feel better." She said, tears falling with the rain. "You could always make me laugh, no matter how upset I was. It feels like my life is falling apart. Colette and dad are great but…I need you. What if they find Owen innocent? Then he will be walking around free again and I will be living every last day in fear that he might come back and…and do it again. Oh mama what am I going to do?" The rain was falling hard now, the coldness stinging Zosia's arms but she didn't care. She just wanted to be near her mother.

Jeff was still in full-blown rant and by now, Dixie had switched off.  
"Isn't she one of ours?" Dixie questioned, referring to a dripping-wet figure sat in front of a grave.

"I think so. Hang on…isn't she Selfie's daughter?" He replied.

"It's Mr Self to you!" Dixie prompted. "But I think you're right. Do you think we should go and see if she's alright?"

"Yes, she doesn't look it." Jeff said in concern. They started to approach Zosia, but paused as they heard her talking.

"I knew today would be hard but not this bad. I'm just scared that I'm going to do something wrong, make a fatal mistake. I can't get what happened out of my head. It's there all the time." Zosia said hopelessly.

"Are you alright love?" Jeff asked, as they made their way over to Zosia. "I'm Jeff, this is Dixie, we work at Holby. You do too don't you?" Zosia gave a silent nod.

"Is this your mum's grave?" Dixie asked, trying to get her to talk. Again, she nodded. "You're Mr Self's daughter aren't you?" The same response. "Do you want us to call him for you?"

"No!" Zosia answered in fright. "He can't know I went AWOL. He would just worry."

"Quite rightly too. I was worried when my daughter ran away." Jeff told her.

"You don't understand." She said. "It's not just about dad, a lot has happened these last few days. I just came here to be close to mama."

"You'll catch a cold if you stay out in this rain much longer. The ambulance is just around the corner, come on, we'll take you back." Dixie offered.

"I'll be alright thank you." She said.

"We insist, we're only out because of a hoax call, you might as well come back with us." Jeff told her.

"Okay…thanks." She accepted reluctantly. Dixie helped Zosia to her feet and the three of them trekked back to the ambulance. Once inside, Jeff gave her a jacket to keep the chill off of her. The drive to the hospital took literally two minutes. Jeff and Dixie walked Zosia up to Guy's office. They knocked on the door and went in.

"Zoshie!" He exclaimed. "Where were you? Colette's out looking for you. She told me about what happened earlier."

"We found her by her mother's grave. Apart from being a bit cold she's fine." Dixie reassured him.

"Thank you." He replied. "What were you doing?" He turned to his daughter.

"I just wanted to be close to mama. I'm sorry. I…" Zosia could not finish her sentence. She fell into Guy's arms and sobbed, much to the shock of Jeff and Dixie.


	23. Chapter 23

**Some of the 'Casualty' lot are going to feature a bit more but quite randomly, not quite enough to make this a crossover. My plan to get this done in twenty chapters has clearly failed so I'm now just going to roll with it! :)**

"What brought all this on?" Guy asked his daughter. Zosia pulled away from him.

"Colette told me that the court date came through…I just panicked. I'm sorry." She told him tearfully.

"No harm done. I'd better let Colette know you're safe." He picked up his phone and dialled her number. He got through almost immediately and explained where Zosia had been. "Sorted. She's on her way back. If the paramedics hadn't found you then you would have frozen out there."

"I know. I wasn't thinking. I just wanted to get away for a while. But now I need to get back to work." She said.

"Zoshie." Guy stopped her in her tracks. She turned to him. "Are you sure you're up to it?"

"I'll be fine. I just needed to clear my head." She told him, before leaving.

Seconds later, Colette entered the office.  
"I just saw Zosia going down the corridor, is she okay?"

"She was in the graveyard, those two paramedics found her, brought her back." Guy explained.

"Perhaps I should have told her after shift. My fault, sorry." Colette apologised.

"Don't worry. After all, the only person at fault is the man who did this to her."

"Yes and justice will be done."

"That cannot be guaranteed, but I hope you're right." He said.

"So do I." She admitted. "Anyway, I had better get back to Keller."

Meanwhile, Jeff and Dixie had returned to the ED, still very much puzzled over the events they had just witnessed over the past half hour.

"You were a long time to come back with no patient!" Noel said with a teasing smile.

"We didn't." Jeff said. Noel looked puzzled.

"Not exactly." Dixie added. "It was another hoax call."

"We found Selfie's daughter almost frozen to the core in the graveyard."

"How many times Jeffrey! It's Mr Self!" Dixie exclaimed.

"With a name like that he must've been called 'Selfie' hundreds of times!" He argued. Dixie simply rolled her eyes.

"What's this about Guy Self?" Rita asked, appearing from resus.

"We found his daughter in the graveyard soaked through to the skin. Something's not right there, when we brought her back she completely broke down in front of her father."

"I suppose she needs him at the moment."

"Why?" Noel asked. Rita looked guilty.

"Nothing, I'd just heard that they were going through a rough patch that's all." She said unconvincingly.

"Do you know something we don't?" Jeff questioned.

"Nope."

"We're not idiots Rita." He warned.

"Some of us aren't anyway." Dixie muttered. Jeff gave her a look.

"I really can't discuss it." Rita told them seriously.

"Please Rita, she wasn't in a good way at all." Jeff said. Rita hesitated.

"Look, all I can say is that there was an incident a few nights ago, Tess and I had to go up there, Dr March wants to keep it under wraps, I don't know what's gone on since but I really cannot say anymore." She explained. Jeff, Dixie and Noel all had very grave expressions upon their faces.

"Fair enough." Dixie said.

Back on Keller, Zosia seemed to have recovered from her earlier breakdown. She was sat quietly at the desk, looking over Mrs Keats' test results. Arthur ventured over to his friend.

"How are you Zosia?" He asked.

"I'm alright thanks." She responded downheartedly. "You see that triangle in the right lung?" She pointed out on the x-ray. Arthur looked. "Do you think it could be pneumonia? If it is it would match all her symptoms."

"Yes. Definitely. I've seen it before, practically identical."

"Thank you." She said, walking over to Mrs Keats. "Mrs Keats I have your test results back." She announced. "You have pneumonia. We caught it fairly early so it isn't dangerous but because of your age we will need to keep you in for a couple of nights just for monitoring. I will prescribe a course of antibiotics. You should be feeling better within a couple of days." She told her.

"Oh what a relief! I thought it was going to be something really serious!" Mrs Keats said, relieved.

"Luckily not, we will get you on the treatment as soon as possible. Would you like me to call your daughter just to let her know you're here?"

"No, no, don't bother her. She's enjoying herself."

"I am sure she would want to know. Is there anyone else, a friend or a neighbour?"

"How many times dear? I will be fine. Don't worry about me." Mrs Keats clearly was not giving in.

"Okay, I will go and get those antibiotics for you." Zosia said with a smile.


	24. Chapter 24

**Another short-ish chapter but I really needed to get this idea down because it was gnawing away at me whilst I was trying to revise. The end of this chapter and the next will hopefully be a bit more light-hearted. I know it seems like Zosia is stuck in a bit of a vicious circle but I promise you things will get better for her. :)**

The remainder of Zosia's shift went pretty well. The upcoming court date was still niggling at the back of her mind, but she tried not to let it get to her just yet.

"Are you ready to go?" Colette asked. She was going to have dinner at Guy's house.

"I will meet you out the front." Zosia replied. "There's something I have to do."

"Okay." Said Colette, slightly confused. "Fifteen minutes?" Zosia nodded and left.

She headed out of the hospital, round the corner and across the road until she reached the ambulance station. She was hoping that Jeff and Dixie were still on shift. She heard singing and followed it through to the staffroom.

"Excuse me." She said nervously, lightly tapping on the door. Jeff whipped round and Dixie glanced up from the sofa.

"Hello love, is everything alright?" Dixie asked kindly. "Excuse Jeff's karaoke session…it's a pretty normal occurrence here."

"I just wanted to return this." Zosia answered, handing over the coat. "I forgot to give it back earlier. And I wanted to say thank you."

"It's no trouble." Jeff said. "Is everything alright? You took us a bit by surprise earlier and we heard that something happened."

"I'm fine. Thank you. I suppose everyone in the hospital knows now…I wish it wasn't like that…I wish it hadn't happened at all." She admitted dejectedly. From what Rita had said earlier and from what they had just heard Zosia say now, the two paramedics had managed to work out what had really gone on. In truth, they had an inkling after speaking to Rita, Zosia had just confirmed their suspicions.

"Not everyone knows." Dixie reassured her.

"And no-one's judging." Jeff added. Zosia gave a grateful half-smile. She knew that some people would be judging, she just didn't have the heart to say so after Jeff and Dixie had shown her such kindness. Tears came to her eyes and she tried to blink them away, she just didn't manage it quickly enough and Dixie noticed.

"Come here sweetheart." She said, pulling Zosia into a hug.

"There you are!" Colette said, as Zosia came hurrying towards her and Guy.

"Where were you this time?" Guy snapped, a little too sharply. Zosia stared at the ground.

"We were just worried after earlier." Colette told her. "We're not angry."

"No, I didn't mean to snap, I'm sorry. As long as you're okay."

"I am, I just went to return the paramedics' coat."

"Good. Now we are going home, getting a Chinese and watching 'Pointless' that I recorded." He announced.

"'Pointless'?!" Colette and Zosia said together.

"You mean to say you record 'Pointless'?" Colette asked in amusement.

"Yes. What's wrong with that?"

"It's a good show but why would you record it?" Zosia questioned.

"To keep my general knowledge in tact. I don't want to be weighed down with medicine and neurosurgery do I?"

"I bet you've never got a pointless answer." Colette challenged.

"No…no I haven't actually." He admitted in defeat.

"I have." Zosia chipped in.

"Oh I bet you have!" Guy laughed, before heading for home.


	25. Chapter 25

**I am so, so sorry I have not updated for weeks! Exams literally took over my life! Anyway, I had my last one yesterday so now I have loads of time to write more! Thank you once again to all my reviewers, it really means a lot. I have also started a new Casualty /Holby crossover called 'In at the Deep End' if you would like to take a look at that. Basically it is where Zosia and Chantelle do a rotation in the ED and there's a new paramedic. This chapter is going to be quite light-hearted in contrast with the others so enjoy! :)**

"European capitals you have to be kidding!" Guy exclaimed as the category was announced on the television.

"You go to conferences around Europe you should know some." Colette told him with an amused grin.

"Usually they're not in the capital cities."

"Paris, Moscow, Rome, Madrid, Copenhagen, Warsaw, Sarajevo…" Colette reeled off.

"Did you just make that one up?" Guy questioned in surprise.

"No she didn't it's the capital of Bosnia and Herzegovina." Zosia pointed out. "Anyway, most of those answers will be very high-scoring, they need to be obscure."

"I didn't actually know that, I'd just heard the name." Colette said in response to Zosia's first comment.

"I bet you don't have any better ideas?" He challenged.

"Vaduz is the capital of Liechtenstein, Chisinau is the capital of Moldova and Tallinn is the capital of Estonia. There." Zosia told them with a satisfied smile. Guy sighed. So far on the show, nobody had got a pointless answer.

"You've shown him up there Zosh, nice one!" Colette laughed. The highest scoring pair had got a hundred points and the lowest scoring had twelve points. Guy was dismayed to see that all three of his daughter's answers were pointless, much to Colette and Zosia's amusement. "Well done." Colette said to Zosia in satisfaction. The second category was Victorian literature.

"This really is not going in my favour today." Guy commented.

"Oh good! Books!" Colette said, her eyes gleaming. "Victorian literature is good."

"You mean to say you read Jane Austen?" He asked.

"Yes. But Austen isn't Victorian. She's eighteenth century."

"You can do this category then. We don't read." He spoke for himself and Zosia. The list came up and Colette started with the answers.

"Vanity Fair is William Makepeace Thackeray, Wuthering Heights is Emily Bronte, Oliver Twist, Charles Dickens, Tess of the D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy, The Picture of Dorian Grey, Oscar Wilde, Frankenstein is Mary Shelley and Little Women is Louisa May Alcott." She read out.

"The only ones I have heard of are Oliver Twist and Frankenstein."

"I've heard of Wuthering Heights. I think I've read it. When I was fourteen, maybe fifteen." Zosia said.

"It's good isn't it?" Colette asked, glad that finally somebody knew what she was talking about.

"It is actually."

"Tess of the D'Urbervilles is the best Victorian book though." Colette said, stopping abruptly and looking at Zosia. She relaxed when she realised that Zosia had no recollection of the story. "Anyway…" She continued quickly, as the next board was revealed. "Dracula is Bram Stoker, North and South is Elizabeth Gaskell, The Thirty-Nine Steps is John Buchan, Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson, Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte, The Water Babies, Charles Kingsley and The Portrait of a Lady was Henry James. Did it again!" She said in glory.

"The pair of you are show-offs." Guy said bluntly.

"Can't you take it dad?" Zosia smiled.

"Clearly not." Colette answered. The next category was on photos of famous rugby players which none of them could get, much to Guy's pleasure. However, the fourth round was a different story. Musicals, the round with alternate letters missing from titles of their songs. Anya and Colette had often taken Zosia down to the West End and they had seen a lot of shows so knew them well. Guy had not gone with them, he had never liked musicals.

"The first one is One Day More from Les Mis." Colette and Zosia said in unison.

"I don't think I know the second." Colette admitted.

"It's Defying Gravity! From WICKED!" Zosia exclaimed.

"Ah of course!" Colette said in realisation. "The third is…"

"Summer Nights from Grease." They both said.

"Then there's All I Ask of You from Phantom." Colette observed, Zosia nodded in agreement.

"Super Trouper from Mamma Mia is next isn't it?" Zosia asked.

"Yes." Colette confirmed. "So Much Better…"

"…from Legally Blonde and then Here Right Now from Ghost." Zosia finished. "We've seen all of those." Needless to say, they were both right with every single one. They both collapsed into fits of laughter at Guy's defeated reaction and frustration at them knowing so much. The last two answers scored one point and no points respectively. In the final round, the contestants chose British sitcoms as their category.

"Things are looking up! Guy said hopefully. The question was to name recurring actors from Gavin and Stacy, Last of the Summer Wine and Goodnight Sweetheart. "David Ryall and Eve Bland for Goodnight Sweetheart, Danny O'Dea and Jean Alexander for Last of the Summer Wine and I can only name the main actors for Gavin and Stacy."

"Sheridan Smith." Zosia said.

"She was in Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps."

"And Gavin and Stacy."

"No she wasn't."

"I think she was Guy." Colette chipped in. Guy still continued to argue. Two of his answers reached one point and with her answer, Zosia scored no points.

"I told you so." She grinned at him triumphantly.

**This was a bit mad but a bit of fun! I wanted to have Zosia smiling a bit more to show that she is slowly getting there. Just to clarify, I did not have to any research for the musical round. I just have to point that out. xD **


	26. Chapter 26

**Again, I am really sorry for leaving the update so long, I thought I would have time over half term week but I was involved in a musical with a local theatre group. We got into the theatre on the Sunday, had rehearsals every day, opened on Wednesday and finished on Saturday so I've not really had much time! I then spent yesterday sleeping and pining for it – it seemed like we were there forever and I really miss it and the people involved! Anyway, here's the next chapter. :)**

"Good morning Mrs Keats, how are you today?" Zosia asked. As soon as she had got into work she checked on Mrs Keats. Zosia seemed much happier today, the court case had not been mentioned since the events of yesterday and she had barely given it a thought. Things were really looking up.

"Still a little wheezy but I'm still here. That's the main thing. And you? How are you doing?" Mrs Keats responded.

"As horrible as it is patients tend to get worse before they get better." She informed her. "And I'm fine. Thank you."

"It's just that you disappeared yesterday. You did seem rather upset." She said in concern.

Zosia shook her head.  
"It was nothing, just a heat of the moment thing. You know? Anyway, I had better get some work done."

"Right you are dear." Mrs Keats said with a smile. Zosia approached the desk to be greeted by Dominic.

"I haven't seen you for days." He commented. "Are you alright?"

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" She replied.

"Well, because…" He stopped in his tracks as Zosia gave him a look. "No reason." He said quickly. "Oh, apparently you are meant to be on AAU today."

"What?" Zosia said, startled.

"Mr Levy said to tell you. It's just for today. I was up there yesterday and Arthur was there the day before. It's some kind of _valuable learning _experience with Ms Campbell." Dom told her cynically. "You're wanted for eight." Zosia sighed and rolled her eyes. She glanced at the clock, she had fifteen minutes to get up there. _Might as well be early than late. _She thought to herself.

"Right then. See you later." She huffed, heading for the doors.

"Have fun." Dom mocked in amusement.

On her way up to the Acute Assessment Unit, Zosia began to worry. What if she made a mistake in front of Ms Campbell? What if she made a complete fool of herself? Most importantly, what if Serena thought she was incapable? Hastily, she forced these thoughts to the back of her mind, determined to demonstrate that she was more than capable.

"If I were you I would keep my head down today Harry." Mary-Claire said smugly.

"Why?" Harry asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Because Colette is back up here and Dr March is shadowing Ms Campbell. She's just arrived." She informed him. Harry grimaced and put his head in his hands.

"You don't think Colette would punish me do you? I mean, I'm not under her command. She couldn't. Could she?" He questioned.

"Yes. Oh yes she could and she probably will. Nobody messes with Colette especially where Dr March and Mr Self are concerned. You are really going to be for it and as for me, I am very much going to enjoy the pleasure of witnessing it." Mary-Claire laughed, almost evilly.


	27. Chapter 27

Zosia knocked on the door to Serena's office and waited for her to call her in, which was only a matter of seconds. As she entered, Serena was just putting down the phone and looked slightly agitated.  
"Ah good morning Dr March." She spoke.

"Good morning Ms Campbell." Zosia answered politely, ever so slightly bowing her head.

"I expect you already know why you are here, I want to give all the junior doctors a chance to experience AAU because it is a fantastic learning curve, well, in my opinion." She explained, half smiling at her own little joke. "Is there anything you want to know before we start?"

"No, thank you." She lied. The truth was, she wanted to know what she was to do if she freaked out because at the moment, she couldn't trust herself or know how she would react to the patients. Anyway, this was AAU. People were here for assessment, what if they were delirious, or worse, angry? Then who would they take it out on? What would she do if it was her? Her mind flicked back to her first day back after the attack, back to that drunken patient. What if that happened all over again?

"Good. If you go and wait at the desk then I will finish here and come and find you."

"Thank you Ms Campbell." With that, Zosia walked out and did as Serena had told her to.

"Are you following me?" She turned around at hearing a voice behind her. It was Colette.

"No, I didn't even know I was supposed to be here until about ten minutes ago." She told her.

"You don't sound too happy about it." Zosia shrugged.

"It's not that, it's just…well it's just that what if I react the same way I reacted to the drunken patient last week? What if Ms Campbell doesn't think I'm capable?" She admitted.

"She knows."

"That's no excuse. I'm back here because I said I'm ready. What if she thinks otherwise?"

"She's not heartless you know. If she didn't think you were ready, I doubt she would have asked you up here. Anyway, she had a go at Dr Tressler the other day for gossiping about you. Trust me. It will be absolutely fine." She said reassuringly. Just then, Serena arrived.

"Ready?"

"I'm always ready." Zosia replied, a faint hint of uncertainty in her voice.

"Excellent. In that case, let's go." Serena said, grabbing a file from the desk, Zosia in tow. Their first patient was a fifty-two year old man who they soon diagnosed with acute angina and he had just suffered from an attack. After not freaking out, Zosia relaxed a little and felt more confident. The case was pretty straight-forward and they had soon prescribed him the correct medication and shifted him off to a different ward. The next case was different. It was a lot more complicated and even had Serena stumped. An elderly woman was acting very oddly and Serena was almost on the verge of calling down the psychiatric assessment.

"Could it be Huntington's Disease?" Zosia suggested suddenly, the idea had just come to her. "I mean, it would explain the odd behaviour and definitely the involuntary movements."

"You know what? You could be right!" Serena said in realisation. "The only thing is, as far as we can see from the notes, there is no history of it in the family."

"In 3% of cases there isn't. Anyway, it doesn't mean there's no history, it just may not have been diagnosed before and if it skipped a generation as it can do then that could be dating back to the sixties or seventies when it would have been much more difficult to diagnose." She insisted.

"I have to admit this does seem extremely likely. I think we should get neurology down to do further tests. As far as this goes it is now out of our hands because we are not specialists but if it is right, I will make sure that you get the credit. That was some brilliant thinking Dr March. Well done." Serena congratulated with a gleam in her eye.

"Thank you." Zosia smiled proudly. Mary-Claire came running up to them in a fluster.

"Colette's just had ED on the phone, there's been a bus crash and they will be overflowing by the time half the casualties get in so a lot of them will be sent up here. Some of the ED staff will come and assist because they are trauma-trained and we need the help. The casualty number is too many to count so we just have to keep going." She announced.

"Dr March, it seems we will need to work separately on this if the influx is that many. Take it one step at a time. Alright?" Serena said gently.

"Yes." Was all Zosia could manage in reply. Her head started spinning, she got herself together as best she could and waited for the chaos to start.


End file.
